


It's time you learn the Big Secret.

by Stuck_in_Oblivion



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Deacon Synth, Deacon is a tad angsty, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Infertility, Kissing, Lies, Max Affinity, Post-Game(s), Relationship(s), Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Spoilers, Synth, Triggers, railroad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 03:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16077833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stuck_in_Oblivion/pseuds/Stuck_in_Oblivion
Summary: [Post-Fallout4/RailroadEnding] Deacon finds out that he's a synth. Confused about this new revelation he goes to the Sole Survivor (F) for some support.





	It's time you learn the Big Secret.

It had been several weeks since Deacon had been at Railroad HQ. Between his time with Sole at Sanctuary and rescuing synths, he had been stretched pretty thin. Would’ve thought blowing the Institute sky high would have lessened the workload.

Sauntering down the stairs of the catacombs he caught eyes with Carrington. He was sitting on a chair, folder open in his hands.

“Hmm Deacon, finally back? I assume you’ve helped the synth get to safety”

“As safe as safe can be these days. No idea how the synth ended up bunking with Muties. But got out in one piece”, Deacon responded noticing how the man barely looked up from his papers.

“Good. I won’t bother heaping you with praise, our runners are bound to find more soon.”

“Rescuing synths is what I do, straight up synth superhero.”

Carrington rolled his eyes, “Brilliant, well I have work to do. “

Deacon took the dismissal walking around HQ. It was quite empty, Dez had been helping rehabilitate synths at Bunker Hill, while Drummer Boy was out on constant runs. That left Tom.

“Heya Deacon my man, come on right over here”, Tinker Tom mused hands tapping on the nearby workbench, “Been spending time out on the surface? Dez says it’s safe but there’s really no knowing.”

“No knowing what?”, Deacon said lighting a cigarette, eyeing Tom carefully.  
“If the Institute is still out there! I know they got to be, chance all we blew up was a facade. Been working on a few things, keep us prepared.”  
“This is going to be good”, Deacon sighed into his cigarette.

“Thinking those Institute synths have to be everywhere. No knowing how many are out there. But, I have a plan”, Tom said smiling widely.

Deacon watched as Tom ran to his pile of contraptions. On a table next to it he picked up a device, similar to a radio. He held it gingerly, as if holding a glass vase. As Tom got closer, Deacon saw wires sprouting from the device, as well as tubes and lights. A low strumming sound was coming from the device.

“How’d you know fizzy static was my favorite song”, Deacon said sarcastically, eyes on the modified radio.  
“That’s the scanning system”, Tom corrected, “You see, when close enough this can pick up the synth components!”  
Deacon raised a brow, “Tom, you know I’m usually head over heels for your ideas. But you aren’t serious, are you?”  
Tom cocked his head confused, placing the device down.  
“Jesus, you are serious”, Deacon said putting out his cigarette.  
“Come on D-man. Everyone's all, "You've been hitting the chems way too hard." But I got my eyes wide open, I see. With the notes from the Institute, isolating the synth component was an obvious next step!”

“Obviously, must have missed that pamphlet”, Deacon said sarcastically, “So, what you need good ol’Deacon for?”  
“Think I’m finally ready for testing! I need a baseline for human subjects, Carrington hasn’t let me try it on him”,  
Tom said begrudgingly.  
“Not happening. Frankly, the amount of radiation needed to detect a synth component is abhorrent”, Carrington said lazily as he walked passed them.

“It cleared the Geiger counter! Barely under 25 rads”, Tom called back.

Deacon shrugged, “Needed my daily dose of rads anyways. Keeps this healthy glow.”

Tom smiled going to prep the machine. Deacon grinned but was wary. Not that he was afraid of radiation, but the last time Tom tested something on him he only saw in shades of pink for a week. Not to mention the time he tried to convince everyone to eat his homegrown underground mutfruit.

“Now stand still. My baby SANDI here needs some encouragement.”  
“Sandy?”, Deacon said eyeing the device as Tom brought it close to his head.  
“ _Synth and Nonsynth detection instrument!_ Now, keep still!”

“Moment of truth”, Deacon murmured as Tom walked around him.

The device kept its strumming sound, before fluctuating. A high pitch tone, beeping widely. He heard Tom click some buttons from behind him. The sound stopping.

“It can’t be...”, Tom said going to his workbench and placing SANDI down.

“Well, you tried. Too bad it didn’t work”, Deacon said rubbing the back of his neck, “I’d say Drummer Boy gets some time with SANDI next time, or we can do an eeny, meeny, miny, moe sort of thing or a lottery system?”

“No, it worked. It worked! D-man, I don’t know how to say this... but you’re a synth”, Tom said eyes going wide, “Can’t believe it took me this long to realize! Makes so much sense!”

“I’m not a synth”, Deacon said giving an uneasy chuckle, “I get it. You’re messing with me.”

“There’s no messing with science! Here look”, Tom said holding SANDI to his own head, the machine going silent, “As nonsynth as can be.”

“Hold up. First of all, no, and second of all, hell no. Tom, I’m taking your Mentats away. Where are they?”

“Just watch”, Tom said going to his pile of junk. Gizmos. Doodads. Deacon internally cringed at the stench of raw oil and rust.  
Tom came back with a little chip, to which Deacon assumed was a synth component. He had only seen the components a couple of times.  
Sole had come across them in her travels, from fallen synths. It looked similar to a courser chip, if not indistinguishable.

Tom held the component up to SANDI and what happened next made his blood run cold. It was the same high-pitched sound.  
The same tone the device had on Deacon.

As much as Deacon wanted to continue to deny it, he felt it to be true. He was a synth.  
Feeling faint he held his hand out to the nearby brick pillar. He felt eyes on him, looking to see Tom staring at him incredulously. Like he just grew a second head.  
And then saw Carrington, who was standing. Eyes wide and confused.

“Deacon, did you know?”, Carrington said sternly.

“No! What? You can’t believe this- this contraption”, Deacon said shaking his head, “Tom, please just-

Deacon swallowed deeply, feeling his heart in his throat. Trying to keep his composure, he straightened his leather jacket forcing his gaze to the dust thickened ground.

Before he knew it, he was walking away from Tom. Feet taking him to the back exit.

He was so entranced he ran right into Drummer Boy. Deacon simply pushed past the man, ignoring the guilt he felt as the smaller man fell to the ground.

Was his whole life a lie? Was any of it real?

What was he going to tell Sole?”

By the time he made it back to Sanctuary, it was after dawn. Sun rising in the sky.

Walking the route from HQ to Sanctuary was a methodical trip. He’d done it so many times it had worn down to muscle memory. However, this time, it was a dizzy of paranoia and eagerness to find a voice of reason. Finding no answer in his own thoughts.

“Jesus”, Deacon cursed running a hand down his face.

Deacon wrestled with this new identity.  
It shook him hard despite being around synths constantly. Saving synths constantly.

And being married to a synth at one point.

Barbara.

Those memories brought on a whole new onslaught of anguished thoughts. Blocking them out he focused on the pain in his legs from walking through the night. It was good, an ache deep and organic. It was human.

Luckily, It was early enough that the settlers hadn’t begun the wake yet. He gave a curt nod to the settler on defense before cutting through to Sole’s house.

Hand resting on the doorknob, he stopped. What was his plan exactly? Was he going to go in, wake her up, and say _‘Hey Sole, guess what? I’m a synth! Isn’t that cool’?_

Or, _guess what? Can’t have kids because I’m a synth_...

Letting go of the doorknob he stepped away. Feeling a cold sweat build up. As much as he wanted to see Sole, hold her, and confide in her. He felt a real apprehension.

He was no good at telling the truth. The words stuck in his throat. He needed time.

Placing his pack down he turned and sat on the step in front of the house. Shakily he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up.

He burnt through about half the pack before the front door opened up.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Deacon? You’re back!”, Sole said closing the front door behind her.

Deacon smiled as she placed a hand on his shoulder, sliding down next to him on the stair.

He leaned into her touch. She was warm and inviting. Her wavy locks soft on his shoulder, arm resting against his back. It surprised him how she could be so tame when safe and lethal force when threatened.

“How’s HQ? Wished I could have come with you, believe it or not, I kinda miss Tom’s gibberish.”  
“That is hard to believe, Tom was his usual colorful self. Even tested one of his knick-knacks on me. Turns out I was a used car salesman in a past life or a dog, wasn’t paying much attention.”

“You’re already a dog”, Sole teased.  
“Ouch, you really know how to hurt a guy”, Deacon said grinning.

“Deek!”, she chuckled, “God’s I missed you.”

He stayed silent, finishing off his cigarette and pressing the end, burnt to the filter, into the ground. Slowly he went for his pack, going for another stopping when Sole took his hand.

“Deacon, out with it. I know you’re hiding something, sitting out here sulking”, Sole said moving so she could look at Deacon, eyes fixed on his sunglasses.

He looked away, feeling Sole’s hand grip his harder.

“Sulking? I’m getting my morning tan. Contemplating life. One of those times I wished I had a full copy of A Swann’s Way and not half a burnt copy. And maybe a good record player.”

Deacon shrugged, leaning back into Sole. But she pulled away, releasing her hand.

She clasped her hands together, “I won’t press you. But, I am here for you. You know that?”

Deacon swallowed, “Yes.”

“Then come on”, Sole said going to stand.  
Deacon looked up at her, her eyes wide and shining, “You coming?”

He nodded, following her with quick steps. Coming next to her.

“Where we going?”, he said confused.  
“You’re not the only one with secrets.”  
——----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
They walked for a few minutes, coming upon a clearing. Deacon knew Vault 111 was up the hill, he had only been there a few times. When he was watching after it, and the one time Sole had brought him.

In the clearing was a fire pit, bench and several discarded bottles of beer.

“It’s not much, but it’s where I used to go to think. After leaving the Vault... something about being close. Close to Nate... used to be comforting”, she said frowning, “I’d look out to Sanctuary, think about how it was when I was looking for a home to spend my life in, clean and suburban.”

“Long ago”, Deacon whispered.  
“Yeah, long ago. When I was a young woman.”

Deacon chuckled, “Guess I got a thing for older woman.”  
“Lucky I got a thing for younger men, or else I’d not have given you a second glance.”

Sole sat down on the bench waiting for Deacon, watching as he sat next to her. She had immediately noticed the tension in his shoulders, the way he forced a steady face. The way his breath shakily left his mouth.  
There were times when Deacon was haunted by his past, going cold and distant. But it had never been this bad.

“I- I don’t know how to say this”, Deacon said, head falling to his chest.

“Just say it. I will not hold it against you, no matter what it is.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about. Fuck, this is hard-

Deacon suddenly stood, rubbing the back of his neck. He paced for a moment, before standing before her, hands jammed into his jacket pockets. Sole looked confused but stayed silent nonetheless.

“Here it goes. So... uh”, Deacon chuckled emptily, “I’m a synth.”

Sole crossed her arms, smiling a little before taking in Deacons expression. He looked serious, but she had been tricked more than once by Deacon’s wild lies.

“Deacon, you better not be lying to me”, she said wavering, “We’ve been through this before.”

“I know. Jesus, I know. I don’t want to be that person to you, I’m trying. But I’m not lying, I wish I was”, Deacon said feeling his head swim with thoughts.

“ _You can’t trust everyone_ ”, Sole said, reciting Deacon’s fraudulent recall code he once gave her.  
“But you can trust me. Gods, this is going to sound nuts. Tom has this device. Checked for synth components, and apparently. I have one. Which means...

“You’re a synth. Shoot, you’re not kidding.”

“I’m not”, Deacon bowed his head, taking steady breaths.

Sole went silent. Her lips pressed together, hands gripping at the bench.

Deacon kept standing although his instinct pushed him to run. Pressing his boot into the dirt ground he brought his gaze back to Sole.

“I think you already know this”, Sole said slowly, “But, this doesn’t change anything. At least not for me.”

Deacon crossed his arms, feeling slightly irritated, “How can you say that? This changes everything. I’m not human, I was created by the fucking Institute.”

“Does it matter? I know it’s a lot to take in, but you’re still you. You’ve been around synths enough to know they are virtually indistinguishable from humans. Behaviorally, biologically-

“No”, Deacon interrupted, “I- I won’t age. I’ll be this way for the rest of my days. How long have I been like this? I don’t even know what’s real or programmed.”

“Cut that out”, Sole said sharply going to stand, “You’ll go mad thinking like that. Maybe we can find out, go through the records?  
“The Institute is gone, and I don’t think Tom has anything. He was as blindsided as I was”, Deacon said defeated.  
Sole walked closer placing a hand on Deacon’s arm, he stiffened pulling away. He could see how visibly hurt Sole was by this action, but he couldn’t find himself caring. He wanted her to get angry, to cry, do something that proved to him that all of this wasn’t ok. That is was a fucked up as it sounded in his own head. 

“It’s kinda funny isn’t it?”, Deacon said darkly, “Turns out I’m really a fraud, every synthetic muscle, bone and fiber of me. No lies needed.”

“Deacon”, Sole warned, “Look at me.”  
He did, noticing how she gazed at him, gentle and warm. Internally he struggled with the love she gave to him. At times he felt he didn’t deserve such a woman. This moment was one of those. What she saw in him, he couldn’t understand.

Slowly she reached up taking his sunglasses off and tucking them over the necklines of his white shirt. He let her, keeping his gaze on her. She was the only one he let see him like this. 

Sole took in his eyes, she had seen them plenty of times over the months of being together but every time she felt breathless. They were blue, but like electricity or hot flame. 

“I’m not going to stop loving you, I don’t care if you’re a synth, ghoul, Mr. Handy, or whatever else is out there. The Institute may have made you, flesh and blood but you made your own decisions. You helped take down the Institute, save settlements with me, work for a better Commonwealth every day. That’s what I love about you.”

Deacon nodded, staying silent. 

“This isn’t going to be easy. I know it's not easy to find out your life wasn’t what it seemed, but don’t let that destroy your future. You’re here, now. And only you can decide what to do next.”

Deacon let himself get pulled into a hug, putting his arms around Sole, feeling her hold him desperately back. She was right, as she usually was. But it didn’t stop the apprehension he had. 

“I know, I know. I just can’t believe you still want me. I can’t give you what you want…  
Sole drew back, looking at him carefully, “What are you talking about?”  
Deacon felt his throat choke up, shining eyes blinking away rising tears. The words were like glue in his mouth, stuck to his tongue. Swallowing he wet his lips, forcing the words out in a whisper, “I can’t have kids.”

Sole processed the words. Eyes widening before looking away. Deacon couldn’t place what she was thinking. He wanted to be everything for her, he knew she wanted a family. Especially after losing Shaun. It was a thought in his future that he may be that person for her. But not anymore. 

“Deacon…”, Sole finally said reaching out to his cheek before leaning in. She closed her eyes pressing her lips to his, Deacon couldn’t help but relax into her lips, kissing back. He pulled her close, leaning down and threading his arms around her back. 

Sole pulled back, a small smile on her mouth, “Your concern is sweet, but you’re not getting out of this easily. I’m taking you to the end with me.”  
Deacon grinned, “I like the sound of that. I am and always will be in your corner.”  
“Mmhh, right now I just want you in my bed”, Sole whispered longingly.  
“Jesus, you really know how to get a guy going”, Deacon chuckled, “I have to admit, you’re taking this all rather well.”

“Don’t forget, I did spend 200 years frozen in a Vault only to find out the world I knew was blown to bits. Really puts things in perspective.”

Deacon couldn’t argue with that. 

“You need a minute?”, Sole said noticing Deacon’s far-off look.  
“No, let’s head back”, Deacon said grinning.

They walked side by side down the foot beaten path toward Sanctuary. The sun now high in the sky, settlers out and about doing their daily tasks. 

He linked his hand in hers, clearing his throat, “ _Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate._ ”  
Sole lightly punched his arm, “Gosh you’re so cheesy.”  
“Hey, don’t knock the Bard card, it’s made women swoon for centuries!”  
“ _Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit_ ”, Sole teased.  
“Oh, so you have been reading!” Deacon mused, “Knew you were my kind of girl.”

Sole left it at that. Admittedly she was taken aback by the revelation, she never thought that Deacon could be a synth. But it didn’t change her thoughts of him. She knew they would have to talk about it more, and it wouldn’t be easy in the future. Still, she wouldn’t want anyone else in her corner.

**Author's Note:**

> Response to prompt on Tumblr from Rhube :   
> [
> 
> <http://rhube.tumblr.com/post/178262273568/fallout-4-deacon-fanfic>   
> 
> 
> ]
> 
> I hope I did ok! I really _don't_ write too much Deacon/Sole(F) stories. It felt a little inorganic at times but I had fun writing this! There were a few ways Deacon could have reacted from this, I almost had him get angry and isolate himself from Sole but I felt he trusts her enough to share his burdens. Anyways, I hope this doesn't trigger anyone, although Deacon's infertility in the story stems from him being a synth, it is a real problem people face.  
>  Thanks everyone!  
> -Sio


End file.
